My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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