he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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