I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
