you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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