and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The uberlube is also flammable
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
