dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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