It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
