Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
