Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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