it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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