i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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