Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He did a backflip because drugs
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