Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
