do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
