i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize