We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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