How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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