I can tuck mytits in my pants
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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