She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Can you bring me the toilet please
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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