Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
