well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
