I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
