Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
