as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
