how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
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Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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