I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I will pee on everything he values.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
