i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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