Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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