I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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