dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
