ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
