I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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