census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
