well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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