Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
