At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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