At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
why do cheetos always look like penises
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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