Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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