I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
