I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
