I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
