The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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