Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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