Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
false alarm, still single
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
