I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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