She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
