And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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