When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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