the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
