sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
