New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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