Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I am available for nakedness
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
