Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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