Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
