You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
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She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
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I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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