I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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