mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
