how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.