im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
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Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
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She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.