..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
He melted the stem
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.