my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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