I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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