She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
